I am scared of sex!

TNN | Mar 14, 2017, 12.48 PM IST


Question: I am a 28-year-old woman, getting married in April this year. The man I am getting married to is a very sweet and understanding person. My only concern in this relationship is the sexual intimacy.

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While I enjoy foreplay and all the attention, I think I’ll never be able to prepare myself for intercourse. In fact, this was the sole reason I put off marriage for so long, but had to eventually give in to family pressure.

Though I know my fiance and future husband will give me time to prepare for the next step, I am really tensed thinking about the future of our sexual relationship. Please guide me. – By Anonymous

Answer by Rachana Awatramani: I appreciate that you have shared your feelings here. I understand that you are not ready and not prepared for sexual intercourse even though you enjoy the foreplay. Since you have mentioned that your fiance will give you time and understands you, I would suggest that you can share your concerns with him and have an open conversation about your feelings towards forming a sexual relationship with him.

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Nigerian authorities raped, sexually assaulted Boko Haram victims – HRW

Nigeria, October 31, 2016 – Africa News

“One day he demanded to have sex with me. I refused but he forced me. It happened just that one time, but soon I realized I was pregnant. When I informed him about my condition, he threatened to shoot and kill me if I told anyone else. So I was too afraid to report him.”

This is the story of a 17-year-old girl who told Human Rights Watch (HRW) researchers in late July that she was raped by a policeman in one of the seven internally displaced persons (IDP) camps in Maiduguri after fleeing from Boko Haram attacks in Borno state.

These accounts among others were captured in a report released by HRW on Monday stating that the Nigerian government is not doing enough to protect displaced women and girls who have been raped and sexually exploited by abusers including camp leaders, vigilante groups, policemen, and soldiers.

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One day he demanded to have sex with me. I refused but he forced me. It happened just that one time, but soon I realized I was pregnant. When I informed him about my condition, he threatened to shoot and kill me if I told anyone else. So I was too afraid to report him.
“It is bad enough that these women and girls are not getting much-needed support for the horrific trauma they suffered at the hands of Boko Haram. It is disgraceful and outrageous that people who should protect these women and girls are attacking and abusing them,” Mausi Segun, a senior Nigeria researcher at HRW said.

HRW documented abuses faced by 43 women and girls displaced from several villages including Abadam, Bama, Baga, Damasak, Dikwa, Gamboru Ngala, Gwoza, Kukawa, and Walassa.

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Living in IDP camps in Maiduguri where their movement is severely restricted, “four of the victims said they were drugged and raped, while 37 were coerced into sex through false marriage promises and material and financial assistance”, the report stated.

It added that the women and girls were vulnerable because of irregular supplies of food, clothing, medicine, and other essentials, along with restricted movement in the camps.

Also, health workers told the researchers that the girls and women were ashamed to seek health care and psychological counseling, as fewer than five of the 43 women and girls interviewed had received any formal counseling.

The report cited several interventions by aid workers and HRW including requests for comments on the research findings yet the Nigerian government failed to respond.

“The minister of women affairs and social development, Senator Aisha Jumai Alhassan, promised in a meeting with Human Rights Watch on September 5 to investigate the allegations and then respond. Her response has not yet been received at time of writing,” it said.

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Ghanaian pastor whips church members for ‘fornicating’

Africa, August 18, 2016 – Africa News

A Ghanaian pastor is trending on social media after a circulating video shows him whipping a “pregnant” young woman and a man during church service for engaging in premarital sex.

In the Akan language, the event was live on the church’s satellite television channel on Wednesday with English translation heard faintly in the background as well as a cheering congregation.

Bishop Daniel Obinim, who is not new to controversies, was captured with a belt in one hand and a microphone in the other questioning while whipping the young shirtless man and the fleeing woman.

He questioned the young man, whom he described as a student, if he was financially capable of catering for the woman and a baby.

As he whips the two, the young woman whom he described as a beauty therapy apprentice, sought refuge from his wife who tried shielding her. Another pastor carried her back for more.

“I won’t forgive you. When you met her and you were having sex, did you think Prophet Obinim will not catch you? If he doesn’t catch you he will catch you in the room,” Obinim said while he whipped the man and asked other pastors to continue the flogging.


The event has been condemned by Ghanaians on social media and some civil society groups.

“The public should be really upset. We think that Bishop Obinim is going beyond his jurisdiction at this time. This is a criminal offence [and] he should be arrested by the Police,” the Director of Amnesty International Ghana, Lawrence Amesu, told a locally based radio station on Thursday.

The church, International God’s Way Church, quickly reacted to the viral video and criticisms by issuing a statement urging the public not to jump into conclusions and condemn their leader.

“We have observed that some people with evil agenda are using the video to castigate and spread false rumors about the Founder and General Overseer of International God’s Way Church.

“We will not tolerate any negative commentaries on the said video without any attempt to understand the content before,” it said.

Later on Thursday, Bishop Obinim told local radio station Joy FM that the two lived with him and their “sinful act” was revealed to him by God and they confirmed it.

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Tanzanian church still opposes condoms, sex education

Tanzania, June 1, 2016 – Afrol

Tanzania’s Anglican Church is still vehemently opposed to condom use, despite its ambitious HIV/AIDS prevention campaign, and has called for a total ban on condom advertising to protect children from early exposure to sex.

Reverend James Dominic of the Tanga Diocese said the church would continue resisting condom use because it promoted underage sex and immorality. “The advertisements [of condoms] encourage young girls and boys to engage in sex because they are told to use condoms.”

The Anglican Church in Tanzania has been at the forefront of efforts to curb the spread of HIV. In an effort to lead by example, it launched an HIV/AIDS control project in 2004 that compels the church leadership to take an HIV test before taking on religious responsibilities. In the Tanga Diocese 45 priests were tested recently, three of whom were found positive.

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Revd Dominic said HIV-positive members of the clergy would receive counselling and be encouraged to disclose their status publicly, to inspire church members to go for counselling and testing. However, the church’s continued resistance to condom use is likely to set back a government plan to educate children in primary schools about HIV/AIDS.

The Anglican Church is the latest religious denomination in Tanzania to oppose condoms, after a protracted war of words broke out between the Ministry of Education on the one hand, and Catholic and Muslim religious groups on the other, over the introduction of sex education into the primary school curriculum in 2006.

The Education Ministry has also been concerned about a sharp rise in underage pregnancies and the soaring primary school dropout rate, and planned to introduce family life education in the primary school curriculum to save young girls from early pregnancy and potential HIV/AIDS infection.

This proposal was met with strong opposition from religious leaders, who criticised the government for attempting to promote immorality, saying the curriculum content was a disguised form of “condom education”. The new curriculum features reproductive health, with condom use and abstinence taking pole position in the fight against early pregnancy and marriage, HIV/AIDS prevention and female genital mutilation.

Opposition by conservatives, who argued that the new curriculum would encourage underage sex, has forced minister of education Margereth Sitta to withdraw the planned curriculum, pending further consultations with religious leaders, health specialists and traditional leaders.

The decision to introduce sex education in primary schools was prompted by a 2005 Ministry of Education study, which showed that nearly 30 percent of primary school pupils had already experienced sex, and a significant proportion of girls who dropped out of school because of pregnancy were HIV positive.

Despite this data, Revd Dominic said the church would continue to advocate abstinence and fidelity. “Once the government stops the importation and distribution of condoms, people will stop sex with multiple partners and slow down the spread of the pandemic, especially among the youth.”

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One month without sex

Africa, July 9, 2010 – Afrik News

No sexual intercourse for a month is the message that two scientists leading the fight against HIV transmission have sent to African leaders. In a study published last April in the Southern African Journal of HIV Medicine, Alan Whiteside and Justin Parkhurst observed that Muslim males, obliged to abstain from intimate relations during the month of Ramadan, were protected from HIV infections. But this study comes in the heels of another which advocates for comprehensive sexual education instead of abstinence programs.
Total abstinence is a message that falls in line with the demands of almost all religious leaders, but “abstinence is not a prevention tool per se as it is only a partial or total suppression of sexual relations,” a health professional at the Global Fund in Geneva tells Afrik-News.

But Alan Whiteside and Justin Parkhurst, two epidemiologists specialized in AIDS research, would beg to differ from recent scientific research and have called upon African leaders to launch a “No sex” campaign for a month.

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In a study published last April in the Southern African Journal of HIV Medicine, the two observed that newly infected individuals (less than six months) were responsible for 10-45% of new HIV cases. The period of abstinence therefore could reduce the risk of contamination.

“This could be a good method in certain communities which are seriously affected. Such an initiative would offer these countries a short-term solution—inexpensive and easy to manage, while avoiding further stigmatization,” explains Alan Whiteside of the University of Kwazulu-Natal in South Africa.

Muslims protected from HIV?

For their research, the scientists probed into the sexual practices of some religious communities. Whiteside reveals that Muslim men are protected from HIV during the Muslim holy month of Ramadan for three main reasons. It is forbidden to have sexual relations during the day, to commit adultery, sodomy or to consume alcohol.

This observation is corroborated by the Joint United Nations Program on HIV/AIDS, UNAIDS, which shows that predominantly Muslim countries have a HIV prevalence of 0.2%.

In Swaziland, which has the highest HIV infection rate in the world (20.6%), the message of abstinence has been well received. “We see this sort of initiative as a means of ending the cycle [of infection]. We believe that the best time would be in October or November,” says Derek von Wissell, the director of the National Help Center of Swaziland, in an article published on July 4th on the Guardian website.

“In hyper-endemic countries, decision-makers, people and politicians are open to new ideas in the fight against this epidemic,” assert Whiteside and Parkhurst while refusing that their abstinence method be deformed by the Church.

But as Pamela Kohler points out in a 2008 report that appeared in the Journal of Adolescent Health, “Abstinence-Only and Comprehensive Sex Education …”: “In comparing abstinence-only programs with comprehensive sex education, comprehensive sex education was associated with a 50% lower risk of teen pregnancy…” considering that the pregnant teens were open to all risks, including HIV infections.

“Even if abstinence has helped some communities to reduce HIV infections, we cannot afford to abandon comprehensive sex education as abstinence is not a prevention tool per se,” says the Global Fund health professional who declined to be named. Following Pamela Kohler’s report, the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States analyzes that “abstinence-only… programs are not effective in changing young people’s sexual behavior or preventing negative outcomes”.

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Army Chief awards death penalty to 5 terrorists including Sabeen Mahmud’s killer, IBA student Saad Aziz

Pakistan, May 12, 2016 – Daily Pakistan

RAWALPINDI (Staff Report) – Chief of Army Staff General Raheel Sharif on Thursday signed the death warrants of five hardcore terrorists, including the killers of Sabeen Mahmud.

An ISPR statement said the men were convicted for “perpetrating the Safoora bus attack”. They were also involved in improvised explosive device (IED) blast near Saleh Masjid Karachi, the killing of social worker Sabeen Mahmud and various attacks on law enforcement agencies, according to the statement.

All culprits were tried in the military courts after which General Raheel finalized the death sentences. The convicted criminals included IBA student Saad Aziz, who confessed to Sabeen Mahmud’s killing and a number of other devastating attacks.

Earlier on March 15, the army chief had confirmed death sentences of 13 militants, including one involved in the killing foreign tourists in Nanga Parbat.

Military courts were set up in the wake of the APS carnage, for trying terrorists under amendments made to the Constitution and the Army Act.

Political parties had unanimously agreed on the setting up military courts to tackle terrorism cases in the country, following which the Parliament passed the 21st constitutional amendment in Jan 2015 to provide legal cover for civilians to be tried under military courts.

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President Mamnoon Hussain had also promulgated an ordinance further revising the recently amended Army Act to ostensibly aid the functioning of military courts by allowing for trials in camera, i.e without the presence of the public or the media, and over video link, if necessary.

The Supreme Court in a majority ruling recently upheld the establishment of military courts in Pakistan.

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